Taking one day at a time 🌟 One of my resolutions this year is to worry less about the future, spend less time overthinking, obsessing about the why’s & the what if’s, & try to focus on accepting the here & now. That doesn’t mean I’m happy to accept the way my health is now, & the symptoms I still deal with every day remaining apart of my life going forward, but it does mean I choose to not take it as fact that the struggles I deal with today, will still challenge me forever.
•
I’ve learnt so much over the past year about how closely & intrinsically linked pain & fear are, how either can trigger or affect the other, & how quickly they can spiral into something that feels so terrifyingly out of control in its ability to dictate & debilitate every aspect of my life. I’ve realised that for me, one of the absolute worst things about this illness is the worry that it will still be like this tomorrow, or even worse, that relapse or deterioration lies around the corner, as it unfortunately has in the past. Changing your mindset is so much easier said than done, it really is something I have to actively work at every single day, but it’s also been so powerful for me in accepting where I am now, without allowing that to spiral into fearing tomorrow, & worrying where i’ll be next week, next month, next year.
•
I’ve been in a flare since New Years Eve (far from the worst ever but still far from ideal), & a year ago I would have let this consume me with terror about what it means, irrationally convincing myself that this is an omen for how the rest of the year will turn out. Instead, I’m able to accept that today I might have symptoms that make life difficult, but they will end, & it definitely doesn’t mean that every day going forwards will look like this. It sounds so simple, & really it is when you consider it’s simply a change in thought patterns, but what a difference those thought patterns make in terms of quality of life & letting go of the fight or flight pathways that keep me stuck in a cycle of pain & trauma. So grateful for both progress & perspective today 🙏
Vegan Pasta Alla Puttanesca 🍝
•
@leonrestaurants Fast Vegan cookbook is one of my absolute favourites & tonight’s dinner was a super simple, super delicious pasta recipe from there 👌 I often get asked what gluten-free pasta I use & I have two favourites; this @pasta_rummo gf fusilli (which I get from my local Fulham Grocer but you can also source on Amazon) or Biofair rice & quinoa spaghetti (which I buy from Planet Organic) These are the only ones which my husband can’t tell are gluten-free so by that measure of success they are pretty amazing, considering the usual standard of gf pasta available in most supermarkets!
•
~~~
• 200g dried pasta (used @pasta_rummo)
• 1.5 tbsp olive oil
• 1 clove garlic
• 1 tbsp tomato purée
• 1 tsp chopped chilli
• 100g tomato passages
• 10 chopped cherry tomatoes
• 1 tbsp capers
• 15 dried black olives
• 1/2 tsp dried chilli powder
• 1 tbsp chopped fresh parsley
• salt & pepper
• nutritional yeast (to taste)
~~~
1 - cook pasta as per instructions
2 - heat oil in pan & cook garlic & tomato purée for 2 mins
3 - add chilli, passata & tomatoes, capers & olives - cook for 3 mins
4 - remove from heat, add chilli flakes, parsley & season
5 - toss pasta with sauce
In my experience of becoming ill, it has often been the small, insignificant every day things I used to do all the time without even thinking, that I have missed the most. When you suddenly can’t physically do the things you used to do every day on autopilot, even tasks or errands that I resented doing or saw as a chore or a hassle, it can be very unsettling & isolating, & I’ve spent so long yearning to go back to the unremarkable yet comfortable routines & habits I took for granted when I was healthy & had control & choice over how I spent my days. The silver lining in all this has been that I have learnt to truly appreciate the smaller aspects of life, & I find a lot of joy in improving & being able to do small things that I couldn’t have done when my health was at it’s worst
•
Amongst the 80+ life threatening food allergies I had, there were a good few that made setting foot in a Starbucks impossible; coffee, black tea, green tea, caffeine, sugar, dairy, nuts, coconut, fructose, artificial sweetener, fruit.. it’s actually crazy to me now that this was my life for 3+ years! I still say often that out of everything I’ve been through with this disease, giving up tea was one of the absolute hardest parts, & the day I was able to reintroduce it was one of the happiest!
•
Over the past 6 months after treatment in Canada in July, I’ve been working with my Dr to reintroduce former allergens with incredible success & I am now at a point where I am able to eat absolutely anything except gluten (an allergy prior to Lyme), which is something I thought was completely & utterly impossible; after so long with worsening reactions it’s difficult to even begin to explain how amazing it is to have that level of freedom & lack of fear. Whilst of course I still choose to eat healthily & in a way that best supports my health conditions & recovery, the freedom to have treats every now & then is life changing, & today I enjoyed my first hot chocolate in over 4 years. One of those mundane yet very happy moments, & even better that Heath could join me in having his first ever puppachino. Grateful to be closing 2019 with so much progress behind me & hopeful for more progress ahead ✨
Just about getting back on track after jet lag & reflecting on our trip to the US ✈️🇺🇸 We spent 5 days in Chicago followed by 5 days in New York & it was the kind of holiday I couldn’t have imagined taking a year ago. We were really busy the whole time, staying with our friend who recently relocated to Chicago & exploring his new home, & then catching up with more friends in New York, navigating the subway & walking all over the city. I was very nervous in the run up to December this year; since getting sick my health has always taken a big dive in Winter, & last December was one of the lowest points of my whole illness, so we decided to take a trip this year to create a new positive association with this time of year & so I wasn’t sitting around anxiously waiting to flare. I actually did have a couple of very rough days on the trip, but surprisingly it was because I caught a ‘normal’ virus, which believe it or not is actually a positive sign with Lyme because it can indicate your immune system coming back online & reacting normally! Because of this I was pretty weak afterwards whilst my body recovered, & PoTS symptoms flared up with dizziness & tachycardia, but apart from this I did really really well. It sounds such a cliche to say, but it really is a case of a bad day today being a good day this time last year. Reminding myself of this enables me to maintain a positive mindset, where I don’t let symptoms affect me emotionally anywhere near the level they used to. There was never a day when I couldn’t do anything we had planned, & despite feeling weak I was walking longer each day than I ever have, I somehow totalled 157,000 steps in 1 week which is hard to even wrap my head around; an actual Christmas miracle. I’m so happy to be at a point with a lot of my worst symptoms, where instead of debilitating me, I’m able to train around them; I actually quite enjoyed the challenge of such cold weather & temperature regulation, & adopting that attitude has allowed me to reframe a lot of the negative associations I have with Winter, & feel like I’m finally taking back some control on this journey. Beyond grateful for a wonderful holiday making new memories ✨
